i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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