from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
