i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
