i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize