So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
