Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
