Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
