She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
