I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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