Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
