Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize