I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
