i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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