I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
