I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
