Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

(301): View more from Maryland

OMG! Ew.

(240): View more from Maryland

Lucky Dad.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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(812): View more from Indiana

My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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(+44): View more from England

Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

if you just come over, i will entertain you

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment

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(561): View more from Florida

Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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(585): View more from New York

Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.

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(714): View more from California

Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.

(714): View more from California

And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.

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