Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
