I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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