Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
