This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
