were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So squirting runs in the family.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
