Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
