woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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