Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will be naked everywhere
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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