Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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