So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
