omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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