Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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