PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
