And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
