even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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