a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
