we have pet lesbian snakes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize