No stitches, just platelets and will power
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
