When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
