my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
