Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
