is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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