There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize