You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
