but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
