Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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