my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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