smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
