Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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