Will you blow on my dice?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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