Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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