im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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