i just had sex bonerless
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
