Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize