I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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