someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
