I think I won the penis lottery.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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