Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
