I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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