Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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