I look better un-naked...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
