Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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