it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
