uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
