I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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