It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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