I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
