I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
