Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Houston, we have a squirter
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
