i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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